Anxiety, You Don’t Own Me.

Lately you have seen so many highs in my life, and you're probably wondering.. how can her life be that great all the time?  Well here's the truth, it wasn't. I'm sure you already know.. that social media only consists of the good, picture perfect, and highlight moments of people’s lives. That is pretty much what I had been doing. I had been through so many life changes in the last several months, and I didn't want people to label me for the negative ones. I wanted people to see the positive life changes. How great my life was. So that's what I posted. Yes, I'm 23 years old and I bought a house ALL BY MYSELF a few months ago. Yes, I have an amazing family and friends. Yes, I have two great dogs. Yes, I have an amazing job and work with incredible people everyday. But I had to go through SO many lows before I got here, and of course every day is not perfect, even now.

You see, if you asked me a year ago if I thought my life would look like this right now, I would have laughed in your face. A year ago, self assurance such as confidence, peace, self-control, joy, laughter, and prayer were almost non-existent in my life. In their place were things such as doubt, worry, distrust, fear, and anxiety; lots and lots of anxiety which resulted in the temporary loss of great friendships. I had become so self-absorbed in my own worry, fear, and doubt, that I could not see the good in everyday life and I could not love people the way I needed to. I didn’t think people cared about me at all, even though in reality they cared deeply for me.

Fast forward to five months ago, and I was at a loss once again. Something I never thought I would have to lose... The love of my life. My anxiety and fear drained me, and made the reality of the situation so much worse. I couldn’t function, I couldn't see God's plan for me, and I couldn't hear God's voice. I had never felt so far away from Him. He is what I had known for so long, and he was nowhere to be found.

It must also be noted that during this hard season of my life, I really thought God had marriage planned for me in the next couple of years. But see that’s the problem, it was “I thought”, not that I had prayed about it and was certain. See I hate admitting this..

It took losing this person to finally get down on my knees and pray. But I’ve realized that it shouldn’t have taken losing everything to be able to pray. Prayer is the way we communicate with our creator. It’s a two way conversation. We have to talk to Him to understand what He has planned for us. If we only expect for Him to speak to us, and expect to have to make the first call,  how can we expect that relationship to be strong? It’s like with any friendship or relationship, you have to make a daily effort for it to be strong and everlasting.

See, marriage is a commitment between two people. Each partner must truly want and believe in the promise to each other and uphold it. Just like with any relationship, it’s a two way street. Without the effort from both partners, what type of marriage would that result in? I can tell you it would probably be a weak one that would most likely fail. You cannot make someone be ready for something they’re not ready for, no matter how much you both love each other.

I couldn’t see that at the time, and ended up pushing one of the greatest people away that I had ever had the privilege of loving.

A good friend of mine finally told me the words I needed to hear. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Get up and PRAY to your creator. Afterall he knows your life, and what he has planned." At first, this was hard to hear. I am so beyond Type A, and want to plan every little thing in my life. But she was so right, and I finally listened. I asked God to tell me what he had planned for me, and you know what? I could hear him. CLEARLY. More clearly than I ever had before.

That’s when doors just began to bust open like crazy! I had been wanting for principals of the DFW area to call me for interviews at their schools, but before that hard loss in my life, it was really dry and I had heard from barely anyone. I had heard from maybe six schools, and had a total of three interviews. I had applied to fifteen different districts between January and the beginning of May. Nothing seemed to be happening, but the morning after the hard loss in my life happened, I kid you not.. The morning after.. I heard from four more schools. Then within that week, ten more, and the next week five more! I had five facetime interviews within those weeks, and five in person interviews set up for once school got out at the end of May. Once I arrived in DFW for those five interviews, I got even more callbacks. I got to have eight interviews that week instead of five.  By the end of June, I had twenty interviews within the last 27 days. (All Monday-Thursday as no one did Friday interviews). I was driving back and forth from Lubbock to DFW every three days practically. I put 10,000 more miles on my pickup between the end of May and the beginning of August. I also ate at the Keller Chickfila almost every day I was there, so I’m a little confused how I didn’t turn into a chicken nugget. Lol kinda kidding.

In the state I was in before this great spiritual awakening, I don’t think I would have ever been able to buy a house either. I had the mindset that I needed to be married first to be able to purchase anything huge. It was like I didn’t think I was capable enough of doing great things on my own. But I am more than capable. I can do anything I set my mind to (as I always tell my students). When I accepted the teaching position I have now in EMS ISD, thing all began to quickly fall together. I actually signed a contract on a different home than the one I bought the same day I accepted my job. But God knew that wasn’t the right home, and I found an even better and cheaper house. I was able to close on my house within 15 days of the contract being drawn. That’s really rare, as usually it takes at least 30 days to close.  If it would have been the traditional 30 days, I wouldn’t have been able to move in until almost August 18th. That would have been after school started, and my apartment was 4.5 hours away from my new school. That would have been exhausting.

If I wouldn’t have listened to my friend and had kept feeling sorry for myself, and had not called on God for guidance.. I would still be living in West Texas suffering from deep anxiety and fear, trying to plan my own life. Trust me there’s nothing wrong with West Texas, it is my home, I love it with all my heart, and always will. But God wanted me here. I would not have gotten here if I would have stayed in my worried, anxiety filled, doubtful, fearful, and self-pity state.

I want to tell you my story, because..

1. I think it’s super important that we are vulnerable with others. People need to know that we struggle, because they may be going through the same thing you’re going through or have already gone through what you’re experiencing and can help you through it. I tried so hard to not tell anyone about the situation, but couldn’t handle it. For me, It was too much, emotionally and spiritually. God created us to have relationships with each other. He wanted us to communicate, not bottle everything up inside until we burst! If you’re going through something hard, tell someone you trust! Get into a small group. That is one of the best things I have ever done for myself, is to join a small group.

2. You will fail if you try to plan everything. God created us, and he truly does have the best in mind for us. It’s so hard especially when you’re a Type A personality, like me, to allow someone else to have the reigns, but He is our creator. He knows every piece of us and what’s best for us.

3. You need to enjoy the right now. Stop trying to live in a moment that hasn’t been created yet. The future isn’t promised, heck even tomorrow isn’t promised. Enjoy your present circumstances, because you won’t ever get them back. You don’t know when your last day will be, or your loved ones. You don’t know when relationships will abruptly end. Enjoy the present moment, and cherish every second of it.

4. You need to do whatever you can to not let anxiety rule your life. Anxiety never does anyone any good, and it never helps the situation. It can’t rid us of our problems. It also doesn’t just affect you, it affects your loved ones too. It’s not worth worrying about anything in our lives, and it's so much easier to just be still and pray.

Suddenly Disconnected

Be honest.. you've probably gotten frustrated lately due to the fact that..

A. Your text message was "read" by the receiver, but there is no response yet
B. Someone opened your SnapChat, but isn't responding
C. Your message was "seen" on Facebook
D. You haven't heard from a loved one in days, or weeks
E. All of the above and then some

    Lately I've gotten a little frustrated at the way people do or don't communicate with me.  When's the last time you went out in public and didn't see at least 10 people whip out a phone and have their gaze stuck to it? When's the last time you went somewhere without your phone? Exactly, you don't remember. Most of us ALWAYS have our phones, yet we don't answer certain phone calls, messages, etc.

In today's society, we have access to so many forms of communication. Types that can literally take less than 30 seconds to send and receive. Phone Calls, Text Messaging, FaceTime, SnapChat, Facebook, Twitter, and so many others. The funny thing is, even though we have all these forms of communication, we still "forget" to check on how someone is doing. We "forget" to text someone back. Which okay, sometimes that is literally the case. Let's be real though. Do you seriously always "forget"? Or were you just ignoring a person intentionally? It's not that communication could not be made. It's the fact that communication was attempted but failed because you chose to make that happen. If you have time to read a message, you have time to respond. If your response is really that long, then you can let the person know you'll get back to them later with an answer. That is so much better than just ignoring someone. 

My point is we need to put a little more value on what communicating is. It might just be a text message to you. But to the receiver, that could be the highlight of their week. It could be the words they needed to hear after a not so good day. You just never know what people are going through. Sometimes just your "Hey" or "I'm praying for you" can flip someone's day around completely. 

Sometimes though, a person simply just does not wish to communicate with us. For unknown reasons. That's okay. We have to remember that there is good in every situation. Romans 8:28 reads "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." 

December 10th of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young states, "Make Me The Focal Point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me."

Take this verse and Romans 8:28 to heart. Understand that sometimes our plans have to fail, in order for God's plan to prevail. There is good even when someone pushes us out of their lives. Trust that God's plan is for the good, not to hurt you. Look at the bigger picture.

Confessions of a Teenage Drama-Free.

       I admit, a lot of the time I am a typical teenaged girl who vents about MY problems, when honestly the people I'm venting to could be having a way worse time than I am. Whether it be about the "stress-level" I have, or because of what someone did to offend me.. I'm guilty of doing so. Here's the thing though, if we didn't focus so much on OUR problems, and OUR mistakes. We could see more clearly the GRACE of God, and how his son died for ALL our failures! Not just one of them, not just 99. Every. Single. One. From the moment you took your first breath, to the moment you'll take your last.
      What I've come to find though is the more I get caught up in my circumstances instead of realizing how great our God is, the more my life seems to crumble. Everything may appear perfect from the outside, but on the inside there's just a hole that nothing but God can fill. That's because it literally is a God-shaped hole. I know.. you've heard that phrase before and you're probably thinking "That's so cheesy, and so over-used" It is a Biblical term, it's not just something a human came up with to help them feel better about their situation. There are many scriptures that inspired this quote actually, most likely.

    

   The NASB translation of John 7:38 reads ''He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'' The word "innermost being" is the Greek koilos, meaning hole or empty place. In John 7, Jesus is describing a spiritual empty place in the heart of man. This empty place is the source of thirst and the divine solution to this hunger/thirst is to fill it with living water from the Holy Spirit. C.S. Lewis also has a great idea on the why's of this matter. 

       Since we are a Soul, and not a body. The soul is something that needs to be filled, and the only thing that can truly satisfy the soul is the creator, God. We can't live without him, so why do we try? It seems that when we first have problems we tell our friends, or go to social media to rant/ask advice about it. A friend shared with me a neat quote the other day though. She said "Go to the throne, not your phone." Which is exactly what we should be doing to begin with! Technology can be a great thing, but it can also be detrimental to our relationship with Christ. Why? These "5 minutes" we spend scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest etc. usually turn into 30 minutes sometimes hours. We check them constantly. When we wake up, before we go to sleep, in between classes, at break at work.. constantly! THEN it gets to the end of the day, and we say, "I don't have time to talk to God right now. I have too much to do." Haha that's funny, because most of us just spent probably a total of 3 or more hours that whole day on social media but we couldn't have spent 5 minutes with God. Trust me, I'm definitely guilty of this myself. 

      

     Then I found this quote. How completely true is this. When this happens, we usually waste time either trying to fall asleep or just stay up by getting on social media.. AGAIN. When in reality, have you ever thought that maybe this is why you can't sleep?! God is merely saying you didn't have time before, but "Now you have time my child. Talk to me, tell me about your day, tell me about what's bothering you. Because I always listen, and I truly do love and care about you."

      

 

"Talking" is DUMB.

Normally my blogs are much different format that this, but this is some serious business that needs to be addressed like NOW.


1.) Whatever this "talking" crap is my generation came up with needs to die. If you want to date someone, date them. Like that's what Dating is for. Getting to know someone. Seeing if their soul is the same as yours..or is completely different, and you just need to run away as fast as you can.

2.) Don't EVER stop telling the person you're pursuing that you're interested in them. Ever. It should go past the first two weeks after meeting them. It should go on after y'all have been dating 1 month, 6 months, or even years. Even after you're engaged, AND married!

3.) If you don't abide by number 2, you'll probably find yourself dumped sooner or later. Why should that person give you their heart, if you can't give them a little reassurance every now and then? Exactly, they shouldn't.

4.) If you're "talking" (ugh) to multiple people you may romantically be interested in, STOP. You're obviously not interested if you're talking to more than just one. Save the heartbreak and either talk to one of them or none at all. Grow up, and realize you're putting more than just your heart on the line. You're putting another one of God's beautiful creations on the line as well. You're probably the reason Taylor Swift wrote that song. If one in particular comes to mind, sorry. T-Swift convicted you and she didn't even try.

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." -James 4:17

5.) Women Crush Wednesday and Man Crush Monday-    EW. You've seen the posts. It'll be the same account posting the same crush every week. Or it's another account that posts a different crush every week. Either way, I don't think it should be happening. We should not have to post our love lives on social media for it to become or seem real. The relationship you have or don't have should be strictly between the two of you, and the Lord of course. It's a triangle, with three points. Not a line that keeps going forever and ever. Your #MCM or #WCW should be your MCE and WCE (everyday) and you shouldn't have to post about it for it to be genuine.

6.) If you sense that you're not the only one that the significant other is "talking" to or "going out with" you're probably right. It'll only get worse from here. Talk it out, or be prepared to never know the answer. Which by the way, you deserve the truth. You are worth the truth, so go out and get it.

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." -John 8:32


7.) If a person won't give you the time of day to FaceTime or talk on the phone instead of just text, or you're always the one to ask to hang out.. they probably could care less if the "friendship" or whatever type of relationship y'all may have just ceased to exist. You WILL make time for things that you care about. No matter how busy your life is, you CAN make time for it. Otherwise that thing trying to make time with you, might just decide it's not worth it anymore. You're not worth it anymore.


Is commitment just overrated now a days? The funny thing is the young men AND women who are causing this are the ones who want to settle down one day with the love of their life. They can't even settle for one now though. How are they ever going to do it in the future? They won't be able to. Not unless these things change, and they ask God to steer their life through everything. EVEN their love lives.

Trust Without Borders

16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate,[a] who will never leave you. 17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. -John 14:16-17

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. -John 16:13

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. -Romans 8:14

 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses. -Galatians 5:16-18

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. -Matthew 4:1





      My family and I just got back from vacationing in Destin, Florida. Which means we were surrounded by beautiful beaches, water, wildlife, and of course the ocean. I had not seen an ocean since I was in the 5th grade. Being 19 years old now, that's kind of a long time. Maybe too long. Anyhow, it was an incredible experience to have with my family. From this trip, God has laid a lot on my heart and I knew that it wasn't meant to be kept to my self. I have had this mindset that I would always be a Texas Girl. I just never thought I'd see my self to want to live anywhere else. The thing is though, we are supposed to give all of our selves to God. ALL of it. Not just the bits and pieces we want. Like our sunday mornings, wednesday nights, a short prayer before bed. Not just during a crisis when we feel as if there's nothing left to do. Not just when our life is going perfect, but through it ALL. Soo I'm sure y'all are wondering why I have the picture and all of the scripture quoted above. Why? Because this song 'Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United literally describes exactly why we should give our selves to God, and why he will be with us through everything if we just ask him to guide us. "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United quotes in their hit song. I researched the song, and found that there is over 50 scriptures referenced throughout. The line above that I quoted alone, has 5 scriptures that it refers to. Which are the 5 scriptures I listed above. Whoa. Didn't really think about that? Me neither. I knew that this song obviously had to have some scriptural references, but I didn't imagine it being this many.  

   "Wherever you would call me" is another part of the song. "WHEREVER". Not just "Oh Jesus, you can tell me I can go there. But I don't wanna go there." instead, "I will go where you tell me. ANYWHERE." So no, I can't tell myself that I will always be a Texas girl. I have to let God be the author of that. Which means instead of having the mindset of always being a Texan, my mindset should be for God to send me where he wants to send me, and I will go. Here are the 2 scriptures that part of the song refers to.

"The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you." -Genesis 12:1

"Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches." -1 Corinthians 7:17

    This song has more than just that type of meaning to me though. I was near the oceans last week, and saw the beauty of God through it all. Of course, I see God's beauty in Lubbock, Texas as well. Gosh y'all, our sunsets are absolutely breath taking! What I did learn was a cool analogy at the beach. Jesus holds me like a sea shell, and whispers to my heart his love for me. When that analogy crossed my mind, I was just kind of in awe for a a while. I had never thought about it that way. It's completely true though. As children, sea shells are so much fun to find, and listen to and talk through. They're all so unique and beautiful. That's what we are though in a sense. Sea shells. God always has us though, he doesn't just collect us to collect. He made us for us to love him, and him to love us. We are his children. We are his beautiful creations. We are his. 

Also, here is the link to the incredible blog I found that listed all of the scriptures used in the song! So thankful I was finally able to find answers to my questions with that blog. :)
http://fragrantlikeincense.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/songs-scripture-oceans-where-feet-may-fail-joel-houston-matt-crocker-salomon-ligthelm/



     

Single as a Pringle, & That's Okay

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I " (1 Corinthians 7:8, ESV)

In November of this year, I'll turn 20. This means, I'm beginning to see a lot of my friends get into serious relationships, engagements, and even marriages. Some even have kids already. You know what? That's perfectly fine! I have always had the dream of getting married and having my own kids one day as well. I would love to have that blessing one day! The thing is though, I'll be okay if I don't get to live that dream. I do however sometimes have the insecurity of "what if I end up alone?" as does everyone else I'm sure. We shouldn't though. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

So many times, we hear "You just haven't met the right one yet." or "God's just saving you for the perfect one." Here's the thing though; God never said that anyone needed to get married, date, or be in a courting relationship. Now, don't get me wrong. These relationships can be great when they are practiced correctly. When they're not though, we won't be satisfied. The only one who can truly satisfy the human heart, is of course it's creator. He knows it from beginning to end. 

"And in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority" (Colossians 2:10, NASB)

In other words, YOU ONLY NEED GOD. Seriously! 

Now, I am definitely not saying that it's an awful idea for people to be in relationships, courtships, date, and marry. That is a matter of fact, the furthest from my point. The point here is that, our culture makes having an earthly companion a big deal! See we are not of this world though. We are called to be set apart. Do NOT think that you are weird because you're not dating, or you're not being currently pursued. That is such a deceiving lie!

Once you see your value in Christ, you will begin to see that with him you have all that you will EVER need. Ever!

Yeah, yeah. I know. You hear this ALL the time. Blah blah blah. Well listen up y'all. Until you fully understand and comprehend this, you will NEVER be satisfied with anything. Not a relationship, job, house, car, social status; the list could go on forever. When you have Christ as your first love though, and serve him and love him above all things, you will be able to love the things on Earth with a love of how Christ loves all of us. 


"And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever." (1 John 2:17)

Human Attention. Affection. Love. We crave it. We want it. We feel less insecure with it. It doesn't last though, and it won't last long anyways, if we don't put God at the center of it. God is love, and love is..

    Okay, yeah. This verse everyone knows, I'm sure of it. Have you ever really considered what it truly means though? This is the definition of God, if you  really think about it. If we're to love like Christ loves, then this verse should be a life motto. Take it word from word. Live it out. Inhale it from God, and exhale it back to him and to this culture we live in. 

    If we can understand what this means, then we know that this is what it takes if we find ourselves the blessing of a earthly companion. If you want it to last, this verse is literally what you need to do. 

    If we do not find ourselves with a relationship though, learn to love those around you with this verse. It truly is a life motto.

     Be content, no matter what happens in your life. No matter, what type of life you get to live. Single or Happily Married. 

        

Learn though, that God is your first love. We love others, because God first loved us. (1 John 4:19). Love God, above all things. He will do what's best for your life. No matter what that is, praise him through it all. When we learn to love everything like he loves us, life is so much more enjoyable. Even love your circumstances, your boss, your job, your car that seems to always go in the shop. Everything. 

Relationships Kept Intact

A couple months ago in my Sunday school small group, I distinctly remember our leader saying something really, really neat. It definitely stuck with me, and I share it with whomever I feel needs to hear it. She said "Your relationship with God works the same way as a relationship with a human friend. If you only listen to them, but don't talk; you have an incomplete, dysfunctional relationship. If you only talk, but don't listen; it's still dysfunctional." That is so true, and can be completely applied to our relationship with God! Why? Prayer is talking, and reading the word of God is listening. Without both of them put together, neither really does any good in our lives or with our relationship with him. 

"And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all saints." -Ephesians 6:17-18